Wordless Wednesday

Oh the difference 6 weeks makes! BFFs Ava and Adrianna's first playdate. They had a blast :)

Since when is this ok?!

So Matt came home early today, and I took the opportunity to shower, unencumbered by children. We are planning on taking Olivia to a play place thing later, so I decided to put on makeup and go on and get dressed. And this is dressed. Apparently.

Those are sweat pants my friend. And quite frankly, they are very nice and cozy. And the gray thing? Think built in nursing cover. Mind you I am going to have to wear Ava in the Moby the whole time we are out, so best to be comfy. Right?

I should be on What Not to Wear. Mind you, this is an issue of time and clothes that fit. Not from lack of desire. Still, pretty crappy excuses.

I'm only 7 weeks in, I'm only 7 weeks in, I'm only 7 weeks in.

On that note, I started a Biggest Loser program with my mom group. My game plan, no dairy (not by choice), lower carbs, and getting out with the stroller at least 3 times a week. Please God. Here we go. I have 25 pounds to lose. Here goes....

Wordless Wednesday- a day in the sun

Warning- tmi nursing post ahead

I am a nursing momma. I did with Olivia for 13 months, and will do the same with Ava. But this road has been really rocky. Reallllly rocky. Mind you, Ava is 6.5 weeks old, and I fully expected to have the hang of this by now. And I don't. Here is a small timeline:

-Latched great day 1. Continued to do well in hospital. Kind of a bad latch, leading to cracked nipples from day 2.
-Milk came in. Engorged. Baby refuses to latch. Lactation consult in home #1.
-Pain. For the duration. Feeding a baby every 2/3 hours on cracked and bleeding nipples. Can't pick up my toddler, can't cuddle newborn to my chest. Moving too fast, no good. Dealing with it, figure it will get better soon.
- Baby projectile spitting up 9 times out of 10. Screaming while nursing most times.
- Lactation Consult in home #2. Found out supply was sucking, due likely to her not wanting to nurse for tummy issues. Lack of demand= lack of supply. Attempt to fix latch, no go. Bring on nursing, bottle, pumping, repeat. Problem fixed.
- Diagnosed with reflux and I stopped eating dairy.
- Barracuda baby continues to latch really shallow. I do EVERYTHING I can to get her on right. If she latches properly, she sucks for a second, screams bloody murder and tears my breast in 900 directions, til she gets where she wants. Mind you, nipples still cracked and bleeding.
- Baby crying on and off throughout entire nursing sessions.
- Also I have the only nursling in the world who doesn't want to nurse when she is sleepy. Will scream instead.
- This child is like a board. She is usually stiff, and that includes one arm that is stiff armed pushing against me, AWAY from the boob she has firmly in her mouth.
- And she chomps. Like, a freaking alligator.
- And now, I have a clogged duct, which is not a huge deal, but I may well be working on mastitis. Awesome.

I am having a really hard time dealing with this right now. Really hard time. I will not quit. But I cannot continue this way. I really dread each time she nurses. The only time it's ok is in the middle of the night. She is much more relaxed, and so am I.

I am open to anything. Someone, please, help!

Where is this peaceful mom? The one pictured below with the baby who latched right on after birth and mom was convinced it would be so much easier this time around. Where is she???

Living in the now?

Yes, that is a question mark. Because I am horrible at it. And I have to MAKE myself do it, even when it comes to the girls. It kind of makes me feel like a shitty mom sometimes. For example:

This is this morning. Ava was sleeping for about 20 minutes total in the swing, and I was excited to get Olivia out from in front of the tv, and doing something. So we got out the Playdoh. "Mommy, you sit with me, do Playdoh" she says. Got my tea, and settled in... for like, 3 minutes. Then I started looking at the table... pile 1: book fair books that I need to order for Easter. Pile 2: garden plans, which made me start thinking about the garden. Pile 3: a bowl that needs to go back to a friend. Pile 4: Olivia's crafty stuff. Pile 5: pieces to the new deck box that Matt is building. And I couldn't take it. I needed that table cleaned off. Bad.

So I flit back and forth cutting out playdoh shapes, and putting things where they belong, or at least off of the table and out of my sight. Which leads me to the guest room, aka, the "put all your random crap here room", and then I start wanting to clean that out.

"Mommy, come heeeerrrreeee. Mommmmeeeee!"

Then I took this picture. And sat down with my kid. And stopped cleaning. Then Ava woke up. And Playdoh time ended because you know she didn't really want to play by herself for the 80th time this week.

What is it about me moms that make us think we need to do everything? Or is it just me? Why can I not take advantage of what would likely be 15 minutes of one on one with Olivia? My mind is never still, there is always something that I want/need to do. Does any of that crap on the table matter? No.

So this week I will try really hard. There are things that have to be done, but the time with each girl one on one is so limited these days. I have to take it when I get it. I am not sure when that leaves time to do the other things, like feed people, and attempting to not end up on Hoarders, but there has to be a way.

If you know how, please, share the knowledge :)

It glows

Ava's skin. It reminds me of Edward Cullen in Twilight when he comes in to the light. Seriously though, I think there is little baby glitter in there somewhere. Somewhere in the midst of my first bedtime alone with both girls, we were sitting in Olivia's room reading books. Ava was in my arms, dozing for a few minutes. We must have been sitting in the perfect light because all I could see was the perfect baby skin on her perfect face. Glowing.

Shortly thereafter, Olivia started clapping over her head and saying something. She is very into us copying what she does and told me "do it mommy". So with baby in arms, I attempted to clap over my head and mumble something that sounded like what she was saying. "No mommy, PRAISE THE LORD! Like this!" Oh my sweet girl. Praise the Lord is right. For you, and your glowing sister, and the opportunity I have each day to put you both to bed for the night.

In an unrelated picture, I was so happy to be able to give Olivia a bath this morning. It's been a while, in the madness of new baby. I missed it

A new outlook

I spend a lot of time each day thinking about my life and how it has changed. Sometimes I find that it is hard to adjust to the changes, and sometimes it is obvious to me that I want nothing more than what I have right this very second. We recently added our second child to the family, and with that has come a lot of reflecting and thoughts about where we are.

I wanted to change this blog a bit, in an effort to allow myself to get the stuff in my head out in words. It will still serve as a way to update family and friends, and all of my posts won't be all sappy and though driven. But I wanted to take it a little beyond just random pictures of the kids. I hope that other parents out there will be able to read and relate to some of the stuff we have going on.

Most of all, I want it to be a place where I can reflect on this beautiful life we have made for ourselves, with that life centered around these two precious girls. So here I go, to find the light in each day and allow myself to learn to become the mom I want to be.

Ava's newborn shoot

The only pictures I didn't include are the ones on her birth announcement (coming soon to a mailbox near you)! Jenny did awesome!! I am so excited. She will be doing our family pics from now on, for sure. Check out her work here.

The shoot itself was a blur at this point, but I know it involved a beanbag, some blankets, a baby who didn't want to let go of her paci, some white noise, and a heater. It was elaborate, but we got what we needed!!

Hope you love them as much as I do!

Wordless Wednesday

first family night out! A birthday party for one of our friend's kids. It was a princess party!

And for fun, a picture of Olivia, 2 years ago, around this time.

Kind of fun to see where we are going to be in about 6 months with Ava!